Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
