i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
