dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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