You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
