After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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