let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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