I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize