I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
