I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
