I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
