sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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