i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
