go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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