I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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