She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
