my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
