Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
