i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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