The maid of honor just puked.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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