Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
