I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
