It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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