My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
