First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize