Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
