Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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