Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
