he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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