dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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