Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
