Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
