You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
