Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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