and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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