"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
