How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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