I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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