You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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