Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
