I'm lost and stupid without you.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
