White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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