Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
