Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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