I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
