you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
