We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
