i would punch a child for taco bell
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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