Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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