Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
