we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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