good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
