Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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