I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
