Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
